Hey Dana Jane

Tag: self-healing

  • The Mirror of Grief

    The aim is not to untangle the past,
    to pull each thread and weave a new story,
    not to mend the frayed edges of memory
    with needles of reason or spools of time.
    No, the past is not clay,
    and we are not potters shaping its hardened form.

    It is the weight we carry,
    pressed into the soft earth of our becoming,
    an indelible signature of what was.
    We do not correct the rain for falling,
    nor the storm for its fury.

    Instead, therapy is the mirror held close,
    its surface dark and reflective,
    daring us to meet the gaze of our own ghosts,
    to sit in the company of sorrow
    and call each shadow by its name.

    Here, grief blooms like a strange flower,
    its petals heavy with the dew of acknowledgment.
    We do not prune it; we let it grow,
    wild and tangled in the garden of our truths,
    until the roots touch what has been buried.

    This is not the work of undoing,
    but the slow art of reckoning—
    to confront the echoes
    and let them linger,
    to touch the edges of pain
    and know it as ours.

    Only then, with the past unearthed but unaltered,
    do we breathe in the ache,
    let it fill our lungs like smoke
    until it fades into air,
    leaving us not lighter,
    but freer.

    -DJT

  • The Draw of Psychology

    I recently came across a quote from The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides that stopped me in my tracks:

    “I believe the same is true for most people who go into mental health. We are drawn to this profession because we are damaged—we study psychology to heal ourselves.”

    It struck a chord with me because it encapsulates the deeply personal reason I’ve always been fascinated by psychology. My interest began with my very first college psychology class. I was hooked, not just by the science of it, but by the way it seemed to illuminate the human condition—my condition.

    Years later, when childhood traumas I had long buried began to surface, psychology became a lifeline. Therapy and psychology books were the first places I turned, hoping to understand myself, heal, and learn how to set boundaries. I wanted to know why I had spent decades in denial about the dysfunction in my family. I had questions, and psychology held the answers I desperately needed.

    What I’ve learned is that denial is a survival mechanism. It shields us from pain until we’re ready to confront it. For years, I clung to a narrative that felt safe. But when the cracks appeared, I couldn’t unsee them. Psychology helped me name the chaos I grew up in, recognize unhealthy patterns, and, most importantly, begin the work of healing.

    And here’s the thing—I’ve come to believe we’re all healing from something. Life leaves its marks on all of us, whether it’s childhood wounds, broken relationships, or the weight of unmet expectations. Healing isn’t linear, and it isn’t quick. It’s messy, frustrating, and often painful. But it’s also worth it.

    Psychology taught me that understanding is the foundation of healing. By exploring the “why” behind our emotions and behaviors, we can begin to untangle the threads of our past and create a healthier future. It’s a process of unlearning harmful patterns, rewriting our inner narratives, and building something stronger in their place.

    For me, psychology has been more than an academic interest; it has been a mirror, a roadmap, and a guide. It’s shown me that while we may be “damaged,” we are not broken beyond repair. We are capable of growth, resilience, and transformation.

    If you’ve ever been curious about what makes us who we are, I encourage you to dive into this field—even if you’re just exploring for yourself. It’s not just about healing the world; sometimes, it’s about healing ourselves first. And as we heal, we create space for others to do the same.

  • Protecting Your Family From Manipulative People

    Let’s talk about something we all hope never to deal with: people who try to worm their way into your family and use manipulation to get what they want. You know the type—they seem charming at first, maybe even helpful, but over time, their true colors start to show. Before you know it, they’re stirring up drama, playing the victim, or turning people against each other. It’s exhausting, right?

    Here’s the thing: protecting your family from these kinds of people isn’t just important—it’s absolutely necessary. Let’s break it down.

    How Manipulators Operate

    These people don’t show up with a flashing sign that says, “I’m here to mess things up!” They’re sneaky. They might:

    • Act helpless: They love to make you feel sorry for them. Suddenly, you’re bending over backward to help someone who never seems to help themselves.
    • Twist the truth: They’ll make you question your own memory or feelings. You’ll catch yourself thinking, Am I the problem here? Spoiler alert: you’re not.
    • Exploit weaknesses: Maybe they latch onto the soft-hearted member of your family, or they guilt-trip someone who’s too nice to say no.
    • Create drama: They thrive on chaos. They’ll pit people against each other or stir up conflict to keep the focus off their own behavior.

    Sound familiar?

    Why It’s Such a Big Deal

    If you let this kind of behavior slide, it doesn’t just go away. It grows. Here’s what happens when you don’t set boundaries:

    1. Trust gets shaky: Suddenly, you’re questioning each other instead of the person causing the problems.
    2. Everyone’s drained: Dealing with manipulation is emotionally exhausting. You end up feeling tense, frustrated, and maybe even guilty for wanting peace.
    3. The family dynamic shifts: Instead of feeling like a team, your family starts to feel fractured, which is exactly what the manipulator wants.

    So, What Can You Do?

    Protecting your family doesn’t mean you have to be rude or aggressive, but it does mean you have to take a stand. Here’s how:

    • Set boundaries: Be clear about what’s okay and what’s not. And don’t just set the boundary—enforce it.
    • Trust your gut: If someone’s actions consistently make you uncomfortable, pay attention to that feeling.
    • Stick together: Talk openly as a family about what’s going on. The manipulator’s power comes from dividing you—don’t give them that chance.
    • Know when to walk away: If someone keeps crossing the line despite your best efforts, it might be time to cut ties. It’s tough, but sometimes it’s the only way to protect your peace.

    It’s Okay to Protect Your Space

    At the end of the day, you don’t owe anyone an open door to your family. If someone’s behavior is causing harm, you’re allowed to step in and say, “Enough.” That doesn’t make you mean or heartless—it makes you protective of the people you care about.

    Family should be a place of love and support, not manipulation and drama. If someone can’t respect that, it’s not your job to make excuses for them. Trust yourself, stand firm, and protect what matters most. You’ve got this.

  • When Growth Feels Like Betrayal: Navigating Family Dynamics During Personal Evolution

    Growth is beautiful. It’s messy, hard, and often uncomfortable, but it’s also deeply fulfilling. However, for those of us growing within dysfunctional family systems, personal evolution can feel like a betrayal—not of yourself, but of them. Suddenly, your pursuit of bettering your life becomes a mirror reflecting their insecurities, their stagnant choices, and their unresolved wounds.

    If you’ve heard phrases like “You think you’re better than us” or “You’re so perfect now,” you’re not alone. These words sting, but they reveal something deeper: their struggles, not yours. The truth is, your growth can disrupt the equilibrium in a family system that relies on everyone staying the same.

    I’ve been on my own personal growth journey for the last four years, and it may seem like a long time to some, but there’s so much to unpack from the baggage of my childhood. Therapy, self-awareness, and a ton of self-reflection has taught me a thing or two, and I’m happy to share these lessons with you.

    Understanding the Dynamics

    1. Projection
      What they accuse you of isn’t necessarily about you—it’s about them. When someone projects feelings of insecurity or failure onto you, it’s easier for them than facing their own discomfort.
    2. The Lack of Grace
      Families steeped in dysfunction often struggle to offer grace because it challenges the roles they’ve assigned. You’ve stepped out of the role they expect you to play—maybe it was “the helper,” “the black sheep,” or “the fixer.” Without that role, they don’t know how to interact with you.
    3. Emotional Outsourcing
      Dysfunctional families often expect one member to manage everyone’s emotions. By focusing on your own growth, you’re inadvertently signaling that you won’t carry that burden anymore, which can create tension.

    Coping Strategies

    1. Set Boundaries, Not Walls
      Boundaries are about protection, not punishment. Let your family know what behavior you will and won’t accept. For example, calmly responding with, “I don’t think it’s fair to assume I think I’m better than you just because I’m working on myself,” can gently reframe the conversation.
    2. Release the Need for Approval
      You don’t need their validation to continue growing. It’s okay if your journey makes others uncomfortable; you’re not responsible for their feelings. Focus on aligning your actions with your values, not their expectations.
    3. Practice Compassion Without Enabling
      While their behavior may hurt, it often stems from pain. Acknowledge their feelings without taking responsibility for them. Say things like, “I understand this is hard for you, but my growth is important to me.”
    4. Find Your Support System
      Surround yourself with people who celebrate your wins and hold space for your struggles. Whether it’s friends, a mentor, or a therapist, having a safe space to process emotions is vital.
    5. Forgive Without Forgetting
      Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning harmful behavior. It means freeing yourself from resentment so you can move forward unburdened. But forgiveness doesn’t erase the need for accountability or boundaries.

    Moving Forward

    When you’re not given grace, give it to yourself. When they don’t allow you to fail, remind yourself it’s okay to stumble. When they try to pull you into old patterns, stand firm in your growth.

    Your journey is yours alone, and it’s okay if it doesn’t fit their narrative. Keep evolving, even if it means walking a lonely path for a while. Growth doesn’t mean leaving them behind—it means choosing yourself without abandoning them. Whether they join you on this journey or stay behind, your responsibility is to yourself first.

    Remember: You’re not growing to prove them wrong. You’re growing to become who you’re meant to be. That is reason enough.

  • “Take Space,” They Said. “Sit in Your Own Energy,” They Said. But What Does It All Mean?

    Have you ever felt like the health and wellness world is speaking in a code only decipherable by crystal-clutching yogis and smoothie enthusiasts? Phrases like “take space,” “create space,” and “sit in your own energy” sound deep, but they also sound like something a self-help guru would chant before disappearing into a puff of sage smoke.

    Don’t get me wrong—I’m all for self-care. But when someone tells me to “create space,” I’m left wondering: do I need to move furniture? Is this a Marie Kondo thing? Or is it like, emotional feng shui?

    So, because I’m a curious soul (and frankly, a bit tired of pretending I know what anyone’s talking about), I decided to decode these mystical phrases for the rest of us mere mortals.

    1. Take Space

    Translation: Go sit in a corner and ignore everyone.
    Apparently, “taking space” is wellness-speak for saying, “Leave me alone so I can drink my coffee in peace.” It’s about carving out time just for yourself, away from your kids, coworkers, or that chatty neighbor who somehow knows when you’re trying to relax.

    Practical Example: Lock yourself in the bathroom and pretend you’re constipated for 20 minutes. Boom. Space taken.

    2. Create Space

    Translation: Clean up your house. Or your brain. Or both.
    This one is trickier because it’s vague on purpose. “Create space” could mean decluttering your living room. It could mean breaking up with that friend who never Venmos you back. It might even mean throwing out your guilt about binge-watching reality TV. The possibilities are endless, and that’s the point: you decide what needs space in your life and what needs to go.

    Practical Example: Toss out those skinny jeans you’re never wearing again. That’s “creating space” and being honest with yourself.

    3. Sit in Your Own Energy

    Translation: Be awkwardly alone with your thoughts.
    This one’s a doozy. “Sit in your own energy” sounds like the wellness version of being grounded for something. And honestly? It kind of is. The idea here is to stop distracting yourself with Instagram, Netflix, or five million tasks and just…exist. Feel your feelings. Think your thoughts. Maybe have a small existential crisis.

    Practical Example: Sit on your couch with no phone, no TV, and no distractions. Yes, it’s weird. Yes, you’ll survive.

    But Why?

    Okay, so now that we’ve translated the lingo, you might wonder: what’s the point of all this? Why do we need to “take space” or “sit in our energy” when we could just doom-scroll like normal people?

    Well, it turns out these practices are about mindfulness and self-care—just wrapped in a blanket of poetic language. They’re meant to help us slow down, reflect, and make space (there’s that word again) for the things that actually matter.

    Do they sound a bit pretentious? Sure. But when you break them down into everyday actions, they’re surprisingly doable. So the next time someone tells you to “take space,” just smile, nod, and go lock yourself in the bathroom. You’ve got this.

    And remember: it’s all just words—until you make it work for you.

  • The Art of Letting Go

    Today, amidst the chaos of my thoughts and the relentless pursuit of what I believe my life should resemble, I stumbled upon a profound realization: the art of letting go.

    “Just let go,” the words echoed in the caverns of my mind, resonating with a depth I had not encountered before. How often do we cling to the illusions of our desires, the meticulously crafted blueprints of our futures, only to find ourselves tangled in the intricate web of our expectations? How many times do we stubbornly hold onto the fragments of what we believe should be, blinding ourselves to the beauty of what actually is?

    In this moment of reflection, I am reminded of the inherent beauty in surrendering to the ebb and flow of life’s unpredictable currents. There is a certain grace in releasing the tight grip of control and allowing the universe to unfold its mysteries before me.

    “Let go of how you thought your life should be,” the whisper persists, urging me to release the shackles of preconceived notions and societal constructs that confine my spirit. It is a call to liberation, a liberation that stems from embracing the inherent fluidity of existence.

    And as I stand at the precipice of this revelation, I am met with the gentle embrace of acceptance. For in letting go of the illusions of my mind, I open myself to the infinite possibilities that dance on the horizon of my consciousness. I welcome the serendipitous encounters, the unforeseen twists and turns, knowing that each moment holds within it the potential for growth and transformation.

    So today, I choose to embrace the life that is trying to work its way into my consciousness. I surrender to the rhythm of the universe, allowing its symphony to guide me along the path of authenticity and self-discovery. And in this surrender, I find solace, for I am no longer bound by the constraints of expectation. Instead, I am free to wander the vast expanse of my existence, embracing each moment with an open heart and an unwavering trust in the journey that lies ahead.

  • The Art of Forgiveness: A Journey Unique to Each Soul

    Forgiveness is a profound and transformative act that holds the power to heal wounds, mend broken relationships, and release the heavy burden of resentment. It is an intricate and deeply personal journey that cannot be rushed or forced upon anyone. Instead, forgiveness is a delicate art, a process as unique as the individuals who embark upon it. In my own journey toward spiritual growth, the topic of forgiveness comes up often. It has taken a lot of introspection and self-awareness for me to forgive those who have hurt me, whether they have asked for it, or not.

    In the vast tapestry of human emotions, forgiveness stands as a beacon of hope and reconciliation. It is a gift we give not only to others but also to ourselves, freeing our hearts from the chains of anger and bitterness. While it may be a universal concept, the path to forgiveness is anything but one-size-fits-all. Each person’s experience with forgiveness is as distinct as their fingerprints, shaped by their life experiences, values, and the depth of their emotional wounds.

    Forgiveness, to humans, generally means the act of letting go of negative feelings, resentment, or the desire for revenge toward someone who has wronged them. It involves a willingness to pardon or excuse the actions of another person and to release the emotional burden associated with the hurt or offense. Forgiveness can have several important meanings and benefits for individuals:

    1. Emotional Healing: Forgiving someone can help individuals heal from emotional pain and trauma, promoting their own mental and emotional well-being.
    2. Reconciliation: In some cases, forgiveness can lead to reconciliation and the restoration of relationships.
    3. Inner Peace: Forgiveness can bring a sense of inner peace and relief from anger, bitterness, or grudges.
    4. Growth and Empowerment: Forgiving can be a sign of strength and personal growth, allowing individuals to move forward and focus on positive aspects of their lives.
    5. Reducing Conflict: Forgiveness can contribute to reducing conflicts and promoting harmony in personal, social, or even international relationships.
    6. Psychological Benefits: Research suggests that forgiveness is associated with lower stress levels, improved mental health, and increased life satisfaction.

    It’s important to note that forgiveness is a personal and complex process. It doesn’t always mean forgetting or condoning the wrongdoing; rather, it often involves a conscious decision to release the negative emotions and move forward in a healthier way. Different people may have varying perspectives and approaches to forgiveness based on their beliefs, values, and experiences.

    In the intricate tapestry of human existence, forgiveness stands as a testament to our capacity for growth, healing, and resilience. It is a gift we offer ourselves and extend to others, a bridge that can mend even the deepest of divides. This journey is not about erasing the past but about transcending it, allowing our hearts to breathe freely and our souls to find peace. By understanding the multifaceted nature of forgiveness and embracing its transformative power, we embark on a path towards greater empathy, compassion, and the creation of a world where forgiveness can flourish, fostering connections, and healing the wounds that too often divide us.

  • Just. This.

    I had taken a much needed break from blogging shortly after my last post. The holidays are a little rough on me this year. Thanksgiving was a simple dinner at home, and I prepared the house for Christmas a few days after that. My usual anxieties popped up and I made the conscious decision to just deal with it.

    I’m trying to recognize my patterns- mental, emotional and physical, so that I can change what isn’t working and maintain the routines that help me feel good about myself. If I’m completely honest, I do love the holiday season, but I also tend to shut down when I know I must face certain things that are uncomfortable or traumatic.

    In having a conversation with my husband, he mentioned that my mood changes drastically in the days leading up to Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter when I know I will see my parents and siblings. I denied this for many years. I blamed the stress of marriage, raising kids and my job, instead of being honest with myself. The truth is, I don’t like celebrating holidays with my extended family because of the past traumas I endured.

    As a trained people-pleaser, I have always felt that I’ve never been able to meet my father’s expectations. I ‘have believed that I deserved my mother’s criticism of my life choices or parenting style. Instead of addressing these problems head on I always avoided confrontation. I rarely, if ever, spoke up about how their behaviors affected me.

    As the oldest child I was parentified very early in childhood and took on responsibilities for my brothers and sister that should have been reserved for adults. I have slowly started to acknowledge that I have resentment towards them. As a teenager, I was always told by my parents that I had to be responsible, I had to help them with my siblings because they both worked outside the home, they needed me to be mature and take on their roles as parents in their absence.

    You can imagine how my siblings must have felt when my parents put me in charge. I had no understanding of what they were asking me to do, and my brothers and sister believed they “didn’t have to listen” to me because I’m not their mother. But when chores didn’t get done, I was the one my parents punished. We fought constantly. I knew that if they didn’t do their fair share, I’d be in trouble. They knew it, too. If things were a mess they knew I’d take the heat. So naturally, I did their chores, too.

    “You’re the oldest, you need to help them. You’re smarter, they don’t know any better. Just do it if they can’t.”

    That’s a tall order for a 15-year-old girl. It was infuriating, too. I didn’t have a childhood. My siblings did. They had no responsibilities so long as I lived in that house. This is one of the reasons why I moved out as fast as I could after turning eighteen. I needed to escape. I needed to live my own life. I needed to be free from parenting my siblings.

    They don’t see it the same way. They see me as a control freak, someone who has trouble letting loose and just having fun. They accuse me of being tightly wound. I’ve been accused of abandoning them when I moved out, when the reality is I had too many expectations placed on me and I needed to flee for my own sanity.

    It’s true, I have control issues. I’m OCD about cleaning my house. I don’t let the dishes pile up in the sink. I vacuum daily. I make my kids clean their own rooms and do chores. I’ve been criticized as being too tough on my kids by certain family members. This used to upset me, but then I remember they don’t clean their houses the way I do, because they never had to when we all lived in the same house. I was the house keeper.

    I’ve mentioned this to my parents and siblings before and have been met with outrage. They don’t remember how I did the dishes almost daily. They don’t remember the laundry I did for myself and for the rest of my family. How I cleaned toilets and cleaned out the refrigerator. And having a parent who can’t throw anything away made it very difficult for me. Instead they have gaslighted me or told me they don’t remember it happening that way, but they were 14, 12 and 6 when I moved out. I still struggle with these traumas today.

    My husband tells me I have an obsession with cleaning and purging. I am constantly throwing things away. I go through phases of overwhelming urges to get rid of things, followed by moments where I hang on to things that have memories attached. It’s a nightmare. It’s like having a split personality. The OCD side of me is enraged when the house is a mess. The part of me raised by a pack rat wants to save things in case I forget the happy memories associated with the item. Can you imagine the fight inside my brain?

    This is why I spend days cleaning my house for holidays. It’s almost as if I have to prove my worth by how clean my house is and how nice it looks. And then when family arrives, I am so keyed up from stress and anxiety that I want them to leave immediately. I battle myself quietly, trying to tell myself it’s all okay, and things will be fine. It’s still a struggle.

    Therapy has helped with some of this. I have recognized that I’m not at fault for my obsessive tendencies. It’s hard to break free from something ingrained in you as a child. I have learned to acknowledge it, to accept it and to consciously work on changing my habits. It’s not easy. To be honest it’s awful sometimes, but I’m doing the best I can.

    One of the skills I adopted during these moments is mindfulness and meditation. I have learned to be honest about what is happening inside my brain. It’s challenging. It’s also beautiful. One of the mantras I use when meditating is to say the words, “Just. This.” I repeat this phrase to remind myself that what is happening in the present moment is what matters. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Today. Present moment.

    I acknowledge my shortcomings I allow myself grace. I accept myself and others for who we are. I forgive myself for allowing others to guilt, shame, manipulate or control me. I forgive others for their mistreatment of me. And I focus on just this, a mantra to carry with me in my daily life.

  • For Good

    Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

    – Jessica Howell

    I haven’t written about therapy or my family in a long time. I have finally come to accept that they will never acknowledge their treatment of me, nor will they apologize for pain they have caused.

    In September, my father asked me to put my “grievances” in a letter. His exact words were, “Send it in a letter and put time frames together because I think I will need time to digest.”

    I haven’t heard from him since. He hasn’t responded to subsequent emails and he didn’t attend my son’s confirmation Mass last Sunday. My mom said he was sick. That may be true. It also might be an excuse not to face me. I suppose I won’t know the truth.

    I’ve been distant with my siblings for awhile. I feel that I’m now an outsider. I am quite fine with it, I suppose. My life has been far less stressful and I’ve experienced fewer anxiety attacks.

    I don’t know if I’ll ever reconcile with my family of origin. I don’t know if I want to reunite. I do know that I won’t tolerate manipulation, guilt or shame for doing what’s best for me.

    Over the weekend when seeing the musical Wicked with friends, I had a moment of sorrow wash over me. It was during the song, For Good, that I was suddenly sad.

    I thought about how much my mother would have enjoyed the show. Actually, she would have hated paying “too much” for a ticket, but I know she would have loved the music, costumes, and stage design as much as I did.

    I was emotional thinking about the time I’ve lost since this family “trouble” began. I started to miss my dysfunctional family, and that feeling made me question my own sanity, because my family relationships have fallen apart.

    But then I realized that while I’m no longer involved with my family, it was my choice to distance myself, and I needed to walk away from anyone that doesn’t love me unconditionally.

    What I’ve gained in the process is self-worth, confidence, and healthy friendships. I have invited people into my life who have similar values. I have found people who see the good in me, always, instead of trying to fix me, or control me.

    I’ve heard it said
    That people come into our lives for a reason
    Bringing something we must learn
    And we are led
    To those who help us most to grow
    If we let them
    And we help them in return
    Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
    But I know I’m who I am today
    Because I knew you

    Listening to these lyrics helped me realize that better things have fallen together for me. I have found friendships that are meaningful with people who love my personality. These friends don’t hesitate to congratulate me on my successes, tell me I’m beautiful (inside and out), or acknowledge my feelings.

    And just to clear the air
    I ask forgiveness
    For the things I’ve done you blame me for
    But then, I guess we know there’s blame to share
    And none of it seems to matter anymore

    I’m choosing to forgive my family. I’m choosing to love them unconditionally. I’m choosing to forgive myself and move forward in the way that serves my best interests. I’m choosing to make myself a priority and to surround myself with people I love, who love me, too.

    During the last verse of the song my friend Kat leaned over and gave me a side hug. I’m so grateful to have her in my life. New friends can never replace my family, but they definitely come close. The best part is I get to choose who I let into my life.

    Things fall apart so that better things fall together. And I’ve been changed for the better.

    I do believe I have been changed for the better
    And because I knew you
    Because I knew you
    Because I knew you
    I have been changed
    For good

  • Living My Values

    I’ve always envied people who are fortunate enough to know who they are and the values that are most important to them. They know how to make decisions because their values guide them. They are confident and comfortable with themselves.

    But what about the rest of us, the ones who feel clueless and adrift in life?

    We live in a world of intense distraction. We are pulled in many directions. We are navigating mental pollution, and in the process, we have lost touch with what really matters to us.

    I often feel like I’m living my life on autopilot. I sometimes make decisions passively, in the rush of daily life, with no time to reflect on what I truly want or what’s most important to me.

    Somewhere amidst all the chaos I found myself asking, what are my values? And, do my values belong to me, or have I inherited someone else’s?

    In my therapy journey I’ve had to strip down to the core values in which I was raised. I’ve examined my beliefs. I’ve opened my heart and mind to other ways of thinking. It’s a very terrifying experience, but also necessary.

    I realized how tightly I had clung to what I was taught as a child, but never really examined why I aligned myself with any of it. The difficult part was discovering how challenging it is to let go of what’s familiar and embrace what’s true for me.

    Through self-awareness, I’ve learned to let go of what doesn’t serve my life. I discovered that I don’t always agree with the beliefs or politics that have been passed on to me. I hid what I truly believed and suppressed my opinions to avoid confrontation or judgment.

    I am giving up the values and beliefs that do not belong to me and taking ownership of my own values.

    We all have core values, whether we’re aware of them or not. They remain with us for most of our lives. They sometimes shift and change over time, but mostly remain stable throughout our lives.

    After many months of self-reflection and learning how to re-parent my inner child, I realized that I need to identify my values.

    To begin this process, I asked these questions:

    • What matters most to me?
    • What do I stand for?
    • What am I made of?
    • What are my values?
    • How do I know my actions and decisions reflect my values?

    This morning I came across a quote from Michelle Obama that resonated with me:

    “I have learned that as long as I hold fast to my beliefs and values, and follow my own moral compass, then the only expectations I need to live up to are my own.”

    As I read these words over and over, I asked an important question. How can I live up to my own expectations?

    Suddenly, I had an answer. I need to live my values.

    Identifying my values is the goal for the remainder of 2021. Living my values is the goal for 2022 and beyond.

    If you’re feeling the way I do and want to jump on board the values train, stay tuned for my weekly blog post on this topic. Let’s learn and grow together.