Hey Dana Jane

Tag: goals

  • New Beginnings

    We’re three weeks into 2022 and I have to say that this year feels different, in a good way. Honestly, I can’t quite put my finger on what is making me feel optimistic. I don’t want to jinx it so I have resigned myself to simply accept what the universe brings forth and go with the flow. Maybe that’s the change; I’ve learned to let go of anything I can’t control and embrace the good things headed my way.

    I didn’t set resolutions this year, but I did write intentions in my journal. One was to consistently exercise. I set a goal of walking five days per week. Looking back at my fitness tracker I’ve only managed to work out four days each week since January 1st. The old me would have had a panic attack about not being perfect; she would have given up and quit working altogether, because her plan was ruined. The new me is giving myself grace, doing what I can in the time I have available and letting go of the need for perfection.

    Another intention was to read more, and that’s gotten off to a rocky start. Last year I read over 60 books and my goal was 52. This year my goal is 60 and I have yet to complete one of the two I started reading this month. Working from home is a big distraction. When I have a free moment I tidy up the house, swap laundry from washer to dryer, or work out over lunch. Reading has taken a backseat for now, but I’m confident I’ll catch up.

    The best part of January is it’s a colder month, and I feel the need to stay home more often than going out. I’m comfortable in this season of dormancy. I love starting the fireplace, watching movies (or even football) with the boys, and not having any obligation to be anywhere but home.

    This month I’ve adopted a mantra, “Do not be tempted by expectation.” It resonates with me because I’ve observed my friends and acquaintances chasing after their goals and ambitions, but not in a way that serves them. I see them competing with others, with the world. They compare what they have to what they do not have. I’m guilty of this, too.

    When I began to reflect on this, I realized I had been in a frenetic pace of activity for too long, and I no longer understood what I was chasing after. After much thought I realized that my ego desired to be successful and I unknowingly forfeited my attention to the temptation of certain achievements, or societal expectations. By caring too much about what others expect of me, I missed opportunities to experience my life in ways that are true to who I am.

    So, this year I’m focusing on me, my goals, and my ambitions. I will not be tempted by expectation. I will choose to “let go” because letting go is a choice for new beginnings.

  • Living My Values

    I’ve always envied people who are fortunate enough to know who they are and the values that are most important to them. They know how to make decisions because their values guide them. They are confident and comfortable with themselves.

    But what about the rest of us, the ones who feel clueless and adrift in life?

    We live in a world of intense distraction. We are pulled in many directions. We are navigating mental pollution, and in the process, we have lost touch with what really matters to us.

    I often feel like I’m living my life on autopilot. I sometimes make decisions passively, in the rush of daily life, with no time to reflect on what I truly want or what’s most important to me.

    Somewhere amidst all the chaos I found myself asking, what are my values? And, do my values belong to me, or have I inherited someone else’s?

    In my therapy journey I’ve had to strip down to the core values in which I was raised. I’ve examined my beliefs. I’ve opened my heart and mind to other ways of thinking. It’s a very terrifying experience, but also necessary.

    I realized how tightly I had clung to what I was taught as a child, but never really examined why I aligned myself with any of it. The difficult part was discovering how challenging it is to let go of what’s familiar and embrace what’s true for me.

    Through self-awareness, I’ve learned to let go of what doesn’t serve my life. I discovered that I don’t always agree with the beliefs or politics that have been passed on to me. I hid what I truly believed and suppressed my opinions to avoid confrontation or judgment.

    I am giving up the values and beliefs that do not belong to me and taking ownership of my own values.

    We all have core values, whether we’re aware of them or not. They remain with us for most of our lives. They sometimes shift and change over time, but mostly remain stable throughout our lives.

    After many months of self-reflection and learning how to re-parent my inner child, I realized that I need to identify my values.

    To begin this process, I asked these questions:

    • What matters most to me?
    • What do I stand for?
    • What am I made of?
    • What are my values?
    • How do I know my actions and decisions reflect my values?

    This morning I came across a quote from Michelle Obama that resonated with me:

    “I have learned that as long as I hold fast to my beliefs and values, and follow my own moral compass, then the only expectations I need to live up to are my own.”

    As I read these words over and over, I asked an important question. How can I live up to my own expectations?

    Suddenly, I had an answer. I need to live my values.

    Identifying my values is the goal for the remainder of 2021. Living my values is the goal for 2022 and beyond.

    If you’re feeling the way I do and want to jump on board the values train, stay tuned for my weekly blog post on this topic. Let’s learn and grow together.