Hey Dana Jane

Tag: Feminism

  • Marriage, Resentment, and the Unequal Exchange of Labor

    Marriage has long been painted as a union of love and mutual respect. It’s sold as the ultimate partnership, where two people come together to build a life as equals. But let’s be honest: in many marriages, the scales of labor are far from balanced, and the weight of that imbalance almost always falls on women.

    Women often enter marriage expecting partnership but end up with responsibility instead. Studies repeatedly show that women perform the majority of household labor, childcare, and emotional caregiving—even when they also work full-time jobs. Husbands may chip in, but it’s often the wife who keeps track of doctor’s appointments, plans the kids’ schedules, and ensures the fridge is stocked and meals are ready. This unequal distribution of labor leaves many wives feeling more like exhausted managers than equal partners.

    And let’s not ignore the emotional toll. It’s not just about folding laundry or helping with homework. Women often bear the mental load—the invisible, unpaid labor of keeping a household and family running. Meanwhile, some husbands dismiss this as “nagging” or downplay the significance of what it takes to make a family thrive.

    This isn’t just anecdotal frustration—it’s a systemic issue rooted in patriarchy. For centuries, marriage was less about love and more about ownership. Women were considered property, their roles confined to serving husbands and bearing children. Although we’ve made strides in women’s rights, echoes of this archaic mindset still linger in how many marriages operate today.

    The truth is, marriage doesn’t always protect or support women. In too many cases, it burdens them. And while some men step up, far too many don’t—and women are becoming increasingly resentful of the ones who don’t even try.

    Here’s where feminism comes in. Feminism isn’t about vilifying men; it’s about leveling the playing field. It’s about ensuring that women aren’t entering marriages destined to be one-sided arrangements where they’re treated as the lesser sex. Feminism challenges us to reimagine marriage as a true partnership—a collaboration between equals where the work, love, and responsibility are shared, not dumped disproportionately onto one person.

    We should be entering marriages as teammates, not as master and servant. It’s time to dismantle the idea that wives exist to pick up the slack or bear the brunt of the work. No woman should feel like she has to mother her husband while raising her kids or carry the entire emotional and logistical load of a family on her back.

    The power dynamics in marriage won’t change overnight, but they won’t change at all if we don’t call them out. Women deserve better than marriages that drain them, leaving them bitter and broken. We deserve husbands who see us as equals, who value our time, and who recognize that a true partnership means sharing the burdens of life—not adding to them.

    Marriage can be beautiful, but only when both partners are committed to pulling their weight. Let’s stop settling for less. Let’s demand equality, respect, and balance—not just in society but in our homes.

  • Backwards or Traditions Reclaimed? A Woman’s Take on the American Catholic Church

    I love my Catholic faith. The teachings of Christ, the sacraments, the sense of community—it’s deeply woven into the fabric of who I am. But loving something doesn’t mean you don’t question it or call it out when necessary. And lately, I’ve found myself wrestling with something troubling: a seemingly growing movement within the American Catholic Church to return to “old” traditions, particularly when it comes to women.

    I’ve seen women donning veils in Mass and receiving communion exclusively on the tongue, and I can’t help but feel that this marks a step backward. Let me be clear: I don’t have an issue with women who choose to practice their faith in this way. If wearing a veil makes someone feel closer to God, or if receiving communion on the tongue deepens their reverence, that’s beautiful. Faith is personal, and everyone’s journey is unique.

    What I do have a problem with is the undercurrent of manipulation, guilt, or outright judgment from some corners of the Church, suggesting that if you don’t conform to these “traditional” practices, your faith is somehow lacking. That, as a woman, my way of practicing Catholicism must look like it did a century ago. To that, I say no.

    The Catholic Church has a long history of oppressing women—limiting our voices, marginalizing our contributions, and sometimes even blaming us for the Church’s shortcomings. I refuse to be guilted, forced, or shamed into a role that feels archaic, subservient, and disconnected from my identity. Women are not the lesser sex, and we don’t need to hide behind veils to prove our holiness.

    This isn’t just my personal frustration; it’s a systemic issue. The Church is, ultimately, an organization dominated by men. And often, those men are flawed. Power-hungry. Sometimes narcissistic. And let’s not forget the scars left by the abuse scandal. Many of us—myself included—are still reeling from it, struggling to reconcile the faith we love with the institution that failed so profoundly to protect its people.

    It’s not easy being Catholic in America today. There’s a growing divide between tradition and progress, and too often, women are caught in the middle. When women feel unheard or oppressed within the Church, they leave. And when they leave, they take their children with them. That’s why pews are emptier now than in years past.

    So, to the leaders of the Church, I ask: Are we so fixated on reclaiming the past that we’re willing to lose the future?

    I will always love my faith. But loving my faith doesn’t mean I have to agree with everything about the Church. It’s okay to question, to push back, to demand better. Because if the Church truly wants to thrive in the modern world, it needs to recognize that women are not relics of the past. We are the present, and we deserve a faith that honors our dignity, intelligence, and contributions—not one that tries to veil them.