Hey Dana Jane

Tag: addiction

  • Drowning in Denial: Loving Someone Who Won’t Save Themselves

    It’s a strange kind of grief—watching someone you love slowly destroy themselves, knowing that no matter how much you plead, beg, or cry, they won’t change. Not because they can’t, but because they won’t. Because the bottle is easier. Because the pain is numbed just enough to make tomorrow seem bearable, even if it means drowning today.

    You tell yourself it’s a disease. You remind yourself of that every time they make promises they won’t keep. Every time they slur their words through another excuse. Every time they look you in the eyes and swear they’ll do better, but the next weekend, they’re right back where they started. You know addiction is powerful, but what you don’t understand—what keeps you up at night—is why they don’t seem to want to fight it. Why they won’t even try.

    And maybe the worst part is that they think they’re fooling you. They act like they have it under control, like their drinking isn’t a problem as long as they still go to work, pay their bills, and function just enough to pretend everything is fine. But you see the cracks. The way their hands shake in the morning. The way their personality shifts, sharp and defensive, when you bring it up. The way they push you away, either because they don’t want to hear the truth or because deep down, they know they’re failing you, and it’s easier to resent you than to face themselves.

    You remember the person they used to be. The one who laughed with you, who had dreams and plans, who cared. And you wonder if that person is still in there somewhere, buried beneath the layers of liquor and denial. You wonder if they ever think about getting better, if they ever wake up and realize what they’re losing. What they’ve already lost.

    But the hardest part—the part that breaks you over and over—is knowing that no matter how much you love them, no matter how much you want to save them, you can’t. Because they don’t want to be saved. And until they do, you’re just standing on the shore, watching them drift farther and farther away, screaming into the wind, knowing they can hear you but choosing not to listen.

  • The Harsh Reality of Addiction: A Wake-Up Call for Parents

    Addiction is a devastating force that doesn’t just harm the person using—it tears through families, leaving emotional wreckage in its wake. For parents battling substance abuse, the consequences stretch far beyond their own lives, affecting their children in ways that can last a lifetime.

    When addiction takes control, responsibilities fall by the wayside. Nights spent using instead of parenting create a home filled with instability, neglect, and heartbreak. And the ones who suffer the most are the children left behind.

    Addiction’s Impact on Families

    Cocaine and other hardcore drugs don’t just destroy bank accounts and bodies—they destroy relationships. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), addiction often leads to erratic behavior, financial instability, and a breakdown in trust. For children living in this environment, these problems are more than just abstract—they define their daily lives.

    Kids of addicts frequently face emotional neglect and inconsistent care. When a parent is consumed by substance abuse, things like helping with homework, showing up for school events, or simply being present for bedtime stories often fall by the wayside. Instead, children are left to navigate a confusing and lonely world, wondering why their parent’s attention is elsewhere.

    A Forgotten Aspect: The Role Reversal

    One heartbreaking aspect often overlooked is the role reversal that occurs in homes where addiction takes hold. Children of addicts often become their parent’s caretaker, nursemaid, defender, and protector.

    It’s not uncommon for these children to:

    • Nurse their parents back to health after hangovers or binges.
    • Feed and care for a parent who is too high or intoxicated to function.
    • Find their parents passed out and ensure their safety.

    These children don’t just take care of siblings—they become the primary caregiver for their entire family. Many even take on jobs to provide for the household because their parents spend money on their addiction instead of necessities like food or bills. In a cruel twist, parents may take the child’s hard-earned money to fund their addiction, forcing the child to hide their earnings in a desperate attempt to keep their family afloat.

    This reversal—becoming a parent to your parent—is one of the most damaging consequences of addiction. It robs children of their childhood, forcing them into roles they’re far too young to handle.

    The Hidden Toll on Children

    The effects of growing up in a home with addiction are profound. Children often experience:

    • Emotional Trauma: Feelings of neglect, abandonment, and an overwhelming sense of responsibility.
    • Developmental Delays: Struggles with school, friendships, and trust due to the instability at home.
    • Long-Term Consequences: A higher likelihood of developing anxiety, depression, or substance abuse problems themselves.

    A Call to Action

    For parents battling addiction, it’s critical to understand that the harm extends far beyond their own lives. Addiction creates a ripple effect that impacts every member of the family, especially the most vulnerable ones.

    But it doesn’t have to stay this way. Help is available for those willing to seek it.

    Your children don’t need perfection—they need presence. They need stability, love, and someone who puts their needs above all else. Breaking free from addiction is hard, but the rewards are immense: a better life for you and a brighter future for your children.

    Breaking the Cycle

    If you’re a parent struggling with addiction, remember that every day is an opportunity to make a change. Your children shouldn’t have to carry the weight of your choices—they deserve to be kids, not caregivers. Seek help for yourself and your family.

    Recovery is possible, and resources are available. Don’t wait. Your family’s future depends on it.

    If you or someone you know is battling addiction, reach out today. Because no child should have to be their parent’s parent.