Hey Dana Jane

Category: Marriage

  • The Great Thermostat War: A Tale of Hot Flashes and Frostbite

    Marriage is about love, compromise, and, apparently, waging all-out war over the thermostat.

    For years, The Huz and I lived in perfect(ish) harmony, mostly agreeing on things like where to eat and how to fold towels (his method is wrong, but I let it slide). Then, perimenopause hit. And with it, an unrelenting inferno of hot flashes that turned our home into a battlefield.

    The Climate Crisis at Home

    Let me set the scene: It’s February. Outside, it’s a crisp 10 degrees, snow is gently falling, and inside, I am melting like a candle in a microwave. My body has decided that I am a human furnace, and I am radiating heat like the sun. So naturally, I do what any overheated, slightly unhinged woman would do—I set the thermostat to a reasonable 65 degrees.

    Enter my husband, shivering like a Dickensian orphan.

    “Why is the thermostat set at 65 degrees in February?!” he exclaims, rubbing his hands together for warmth, probably contemplating layering a third sweatshirt over his already fleece-lined existence.

    Without missing a beat, I turn to him, eyes wild, sweat glistening on my brow, and declare:
    “Touch that dial and you can heat your ass in Hell!”

    A Marriage Built on Compromise (But Not This Time)

    Now, in any normal marital disagreement, we would find a middle ground. But there is no middle ground when one person is living inside the core of the Earth while the other is actively developing frostbite.

    We have tried:
    ✔️ Blankets (he’s wrapped up like a burrito while I lay sprawled out like a starfish).
    ✔️ Heated socks (for him—while my bare feet enjoy the icy bliss of the fan blowing next to me).
    ✔️ A space heater (which he positions near his side of the bed while glaring at me like I’m his personal Arctic tormentor).

    Nothing is working. My only recourse is to maintain my dominion over the thermostat, defending it like a dragon hoarding gold.

    Creative Solutions (That Mostly Favor Me)

    My husband, desperate, has suggested a separate climate-controlled bedroom—basically a marital igloo just for him. I suggested that instead, he embrace his inner Viking and toughen up. He was not amused.

    We are now at an impasse. The thermostat remains at 65. He remains layered like he’s about to summit Everest. And I remain victorious… for now.

    The Moral of the Story

    Marriage is about love, laughter, and respecting each other’s needs. But also, and perhaps more importantly, it’s about not touching the damn thermostat.

    Stay warm (unless you’re me, in which case, stay chilled to perfection).

  • Shopping Adventures with Owen and Gannon: Life Lessons on Marriage and Money

    Saturday morning started on a high note—house cleaning! I know, I know, thrilling stuff. But with the promise of a trip to Dollar Tree as a reward, Owen and Gannon were surprisingly helpful. What can I say? The allure of $1.25 treasures is powerful.

    Once the house sparkled (or at least looked less like a tornado hit it), we headed out to Dollar Tree, where they gleefully loaded up on candy, stickers, and whatever else their hearts desired. Mission accomplished, right? Not quite.

    Lunch was the next stop, and we hit up Mi Pueblo Mexican restaurant for chips, salsa, and some much-needed tacos. But the story doesn’t end there. Conveniently located next to Mi Pueblo is Ulta Beauty—an irresistible beacon of temptation for those of us with a weakness for skincare and makeup.

    That’s when Owen, my 15-year-old, surprised me. “Can we go to Ulta?” he asked, completely serious. Turns out, my teen son is all about checking out the latest colognes. I know, right? Who is this GQ gentleman-in-the-making?

    “I don’t know, Owen,” I said, trying to resist the trap. “Your dad will get mad if I spend money there. I don’t want to get a lecture as if he’s my dad.”

    Cue Gannon, my ever-spirited backseat commentator: “You’re a grown woman! You can do what you want!”

    While I appreciated his confidence in me, I had to set the record straight. “Yes, I CAN do what I want, but that doesn’t mean I SHOULD. Big difference, buddy.”

    Owen, however, wasn’t ready to let the conversation go. “When I get married, I’m going to give my wife lots of money so she can spend it however she wants. You make more money than Dad. Doesn’t that make you the boss?”

    And there it was—the jackpot comment. Naturally, I couldn’t let it slide. “Owen, when you get married, I’m going to share this conversation with your wife.”

    Before I could relish the thought, Gannon jumped in, determined to top his brother. “When I get married, my wife AND kids get to buy stuff when they want!”

    At that point, we were all laughing so hard we could barely breathe. But as funny as it was, it hit me—this was the perfect teachable moment. My boys are already plotting how to handle marital money, so maybe it’s time for a crash course in finances and relationships. After all, managing money will be very difficult if they are buying things whenever they wish!

    So, we skipped Ulta this time (you’re welcome, Huz), but the day wasn’t a loss. Between tacos and treasures, we walked away with some solid laughs and maybe—just maybe—a few life lessons about money, marriage, and the fine art of knowing when to say no to temptation.

    Parenting: where every shopping trip is an adventure and every conversation is future blackmail material.

  • Marriage, Resentment, and the Unequal Exchange of Labor

    Marriage has long been painted as a union of love and mutual respect. It’s sold as the ultimate partnership, where two people come together to build a life as equals. But let’s be honest: in many marriages, the scales of labor are far from balanced, and the weight of that imbalance almost always falls on women.

    Women often enter marriage expecting partnership but end up with responsibility instead. Studies repeatedly show that women perform the majority of household labor, childcare, and emotional caregiving—even when they also work full-time jobs. Husbands may chip in, but it’s often the wife who keeps track of doctor’s appointments, plans the kids’ schedules, and ensures the fridge is stocked and meals are ready. This unequal distribution of labor leaves many wives feeling more like exhausted managers than equal partners.

    And let’s not ignore the emotional toll. It’s not just about folding laundry or helping with homework. Women often bear the mental load—the invisible, unpaid labor of keeping a household and family running. Meanwhile, some husbands dismiss this as “nagging” or downplay the significance of what it takes to make a family thrive.

    This isn’t just anecdotal frustration—it’s a systemic issue rooted in patriarchy. For centuries, marriage was less about love and more about ownership. Women were considered property, their roles confined to serving husbands and bearing children. Although we’ve made strides in women’s rights, echoes of this archaic mindset still linger in how many marriages operate today.

    The truth is, marriage doesn’t always protect or support women. In too many cases, it burdens them. And while some men step up, far too many don’t—and women are becoming increasingly resentful of the ones who don’t even try.

    Here’s where feminism comes in. Feminism isn’t about vilifying men; it’s about leveling the playing field. It’s about ensuring that women aren’t entering marriages destined to be one-sided arrangements where they’re treated as the lesser sex. Feminism challenges us to reimagine marriage as a true partnership—a collaboration between equals where the work, love, and responsibility are shared, not dumped disproportionately onto one person.

    We should be entering marriages as teammates, not as master and servant. It’s time to dismantle the idea that wives exist to pick up the slack or bear the brunt of the work. No woman should feel like she has to mother her husband while raising her kids or carry the entire emotional and logistical load of a family on her back.

    The power dynamics in marriage won’t change overnight, but they won’t change at all if we don’t call them out. Women deserve better than marriages that drain them, leaving them bitter and broken. We deserve husbands who see us as equals, who value our time, and who recognize that a true partnership means sharing the burdens of life—not adding to them.

    Marriage can be beautiful, but only when both partners are committed to pulling their weight. Let’s stop settling for less. Let’s demand equality, respect, and balance—not just in society but in our homes.